A Deer in Her Headlights!!

The Ride

I told myself I wasn’t gonna drink tonight but… as luck would have it, I somehow convinced myself that it was a good idea to knock a back a bottle of Corona , smoke a joint and watch some Sportscenter highlights to kill my boredom. Well, after 53 minutes, three or four Corona’s, half a bottle of some stale wine, and several lines of some Belushi, I found myself anxious as hell and ready to make some more bad choices and maybe get into some kind of good trouble (if there is such a thing).
I decided to text a lady friend of mine to see what she was up too. After a few minutes or so she texted me back and told me she was at a bar in midtown with five of her girlfriends getting drunk and that they were all super hammered but I should still come down and hangout with them before the bars closed. Hmmm…I did the math and ran the numbers before my reply. Let’s see, six drunk girls on a Tuesday night and I’m all by myself? Seemed like a no brainer to me!  I mean what’s the worse that could happen. Right?

I got to the bar about 20 minutes after she texted me, but to my dismay, they were no were to be found. What did I do to deserve such cruelty? I thought. I mean I just talked to her and now she’s not responding to her text. I guess I got dealt a bad hand. As of now I remember glancing at the clock and it was exactly 1:17 am and the bar was pretty much empty at this point, and not more than a handful of souls in the building and they were getting ready to close, at that very moment, I thought to myself, “I should a stayed at home and saved my muthafucking gas. This is some bullshit.

I jumped back in my car and decided to hit a bump of Rick James to sober up a little for the ride back home. I sat there after a short time then started my car up and right when I was getting ready to pull off, I hear a knock on my drivers side window and a woman’s voice that says “hey excuse me is this yours? I rolled down my window with no time to wipe the Devils Dandruff from my nose and said “huh”? Now, this woman who was downright cute as a button just so happened to have my wallet in her hand. I figured I must of dropped it out my jacket while I was looking for my car keys. I really didn’t think to much of it, I mean I was just happy somebody was being a Good Samaritan. I thanked her of course for finding my wallet. She asked me how my night was and what I was doing sitting in the car for so long by myself. I said I was just trying to sober up and she asked me if she could join me. “Sure”, I replied “hop on in.”

                                          Left Field

At any rate, she introduced herself as Tiff. She was about 5″10 and about 145 lbs with a gorgeous face, flawless skin, a couple of tattoos, long black hair, and maybe the best set of breasts I’ve laid eyes on in many moons. I happen to be a titty man myself so this encounter was definitely a non issue for me. Now,  before I go any further my friends I want to explain to you that this isn’t outside of a normal night in midtown, in fact these type of things aren’t uncommon to say the least. As crazy as this may sound I like to refer to this part of the city as a modern day Sodam and Gomorrah.

We sat in my car, did a , sipped on a bottle of cheap whiskey she provided and conversed for what seemed like the whole night. Between the happy dust, booze and her mentioning that she was a practitioner of Witchcraft, the only other thing that I had on my mind was making sure I made it to work on time. I checked the time on my phone and to my surprise it was only 2:35am, Hallelujah! I didn’t have to be at work for another 5 hours and 25 minutes so this was perfect. I told her it was getting kinda late and that I appreciated her company but that I had to get up pretty early and that I should probably get going. “Do you mind giving me a ride home” she asked I’m only about seven minutes away, so I kindly obliged.

We pulled about two houses down from where she lived and before she got out she asked me if I would like to come in have a beer with her and see her new place. I had a few minutes to spare so I said, “yeah that’s cool.” Now usually when I’m in this kind of situations I try to play these things out and add it all up as quick as possible. For instance, maybe she’s inviting me in for something more but even so or even worse case scenario, I could have that beer maybe suck on a titty or two and get a handjob. Honestly, I didn’t have to many expectations but I wanted to still be cordial after her being such a nice woman.

We walked up to her door and from the outside it looked like a pretty normal house. One thing I did notice however, was that there wasn’t any porch light on and her house seemed dark from the outside looking in. I had my blade on me anyway so I thought if this shit did happen to go south and I got ambushed I was gonna stab this Witch Bitch first. I mean a man has a right to protect himself, but before I new it she stuck her key in the door and started making out with me and kissing me like something out of a soap opera. Here we go, this might go my way after all. Once we entered the door, she offered me that beer and told me to have a seat. “I’ll be right back” she said, but if my husband comes out don’t worry it’s cool”, and at that very moment I said out loud “WHOA, WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK??

To be continued…….


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